Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
