Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i believe in u and ur pee
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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