i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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