i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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