No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
