Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
