The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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