She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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