Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
