I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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