I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
