watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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