he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
