Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
