Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
