8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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