I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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