I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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