I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
