I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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