We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
