Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
