are you still at the devil's house?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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