I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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