Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
