Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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