I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
