Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
