You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They took my balls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
