Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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