i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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