ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
