She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
