He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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