Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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