I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
