It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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