Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
