$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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