Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
