I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
