I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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