I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
