Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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