I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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