she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize