wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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