You made me cry and you don't even care
and she was petting her beer can
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
