Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
