just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
