i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize