My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
