i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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