I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
