I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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