I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize