What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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