I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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