Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
