are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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