6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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