well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize