I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
