you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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