I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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