I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
