I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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