she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
