New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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