do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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