I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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