Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
