none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
