I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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