i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
