A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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