i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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