fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
