btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
