He had one of those small greek statue penises
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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