Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
