I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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